Unbearable and unusual and unfair decisions

We're about 2-3 days until our FET Donor transfer. We have 3 frozen embryos and had "decided" to risk twins by transferring two. Embryos survive the unthawing process (sounds like Austin Powers or Demolition Man) at a rate of about 90%--we were told at least. Then the rate of pregnancy is actually much lower. It is, if I recall...at our clinic, about 30% per embryo. This is in contrast to 60% per embryo from a fresh donor egg cycle. Lame odds for sure. So the plan is to unthaw our embryos until we have 2. In theory they could all die, two could, or one could. So we may very well have no embryos left after this.

IM is having a very hard time with all of this. She's feeling out of shape (hasn't been working out) and is looking forward (not really) to two weeks of light to no workouts at all...post transfer. She's also been getting delestrogen shots every 3 days for what seems like a few months now and we just started PIO shots which are everyday. Since we had such a small gap between this cycle and the last it feels like she's been taking these shots continuously. So, she comes back from a work out thinking "let's just put back all 3 embryos this time". Hmm. The major issue is that getting pregnant with triplets is not ideal...not ideal by a long shot and potentially very dangerous for mother and children. Of course, the odds are lower for a frozen cycle but they are still too large for my comfort. Her comfort on the other hand is not even really how she's thinking about it. Her hope is completely gone. Completely. I think she figures "this is NOT going to work...there is no chance...so let's just use up all our embryos so we can stop doing this" coupled with "our only chance is to put back all three" coupled with "there's no way I'd get pregnant with triplets b/c all three would have to implant and I've never even had one implant".

I'm thinking triplets are risky and I just don't want to use up our all embryos in this one shot. What if something goes wrong with the transfer? Then we lose all three? For example, it's possible that the reason our last cycle didn't work is b/c of the transfer! I'd like to spread the embryos around to a few transfers to help our odds. I don't know if that's even sensible. Mostly I think I just figure that our luck seems to be so dismal and nothing seems to go the way we want it to go that if we put back three then IM will get pregnant with triplets and the pregnancy will be a disaster! That seems to be our luck....or lack thereof. What's that Naughty by Nature lyric? "if not for bad luck, I would have none"?

This whole situation of choosing how many to put back just exemplifies the title of this blog....A goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation. These are not normal decisions a person should have to make. IM has been crying from all the stress!

p.s. I'm sure the Dr will STRONGLY discourage us from putting back three anyway but ultimately it's our decision.