I was (and still am) on delestrogen for something like a month, a cause for concern but I am trying to not stress about taking these drugs for so long. This took a long time because we wanted our doctor. If you read the entry from the last transfer, you will understand why. The RE was incompetent with inserting the catheter and wound up using a hard catheter instead of a soft catheter, which our RE, Dr. O, said could have had an effect on the lack of success of the cycle. She had also indicated that cramping that occurred during the transfer could have adversely affected things. Since she herself had done a sonohystogram in the past, she decided she wanted to be the one who did the transfer this time since she knew the difficulty of the S curve of my cervix.
Well we transferred 2 thawed blasts, they both thawed beautifully: one at 100% of the original cells, and one at 95% of the original cells. Everything was in tip-top shape... I laid back, they prepped me, and then tried to insert the catheter... oh the catheter... what is it about my body lately? there seems to be an obstacle course and a guard who asks three questions before anyone can pass. Dr. O took forever trying to insert that catheter! She was taking it easy though --trying to keep me from cramping. Whereas the last RE was just jamming the end of the catheter into my tissue (with no regard to the fact that you cannot puncture your way through no matter how badly you may want it) our RE Dr. O was gentle and tried to keep it mellow. At one point she made a comment about how she may have to use a hard catheter after all. well my heart just sank... I queried the potential for failure using a hard catheter, and she could tell that wasn't going to be the easy way out... She even disposed of the first soft catheter and pulled out a second soft one because she had put so many bends in it, it wasn't working anymore.
It was probably 10 minutes of just trying to insert the catheter, 10 minutes of excruciating panic during which I wanted to jump off the table and go running for the hills. Why why why is this so difficult? With our own embryos, REs never had difficulty inserting the catheter despite my difficult cervix. And now that we have gone the best route with donor eggs, suddenly the transfer is the problem? Why can't we get a break?
Anyway, finally she got it through with minimal cramping. She said the end of the (already complicated) canal was shaped like a hockey stick. Good grief...
We transferred 2 embryos and here we are on "bedrest" for a day. Beta is on June 8.
Another funny part of this day occurred when we were in the waiting room leading up to the transfer. We saw this horrible woman whom we met one day when we were participating in a RESOLVE activity lobbying our senators and reps at the Capitol. Now I have to preface what I am going to say with the following: I am the child of immigrants and I am familiar with other cultures and traditions. I am not (by my knowledge) a bigot or a racist. I understand the plight of oppressed women from foreign lands. During lobbying day we all shared our stories with one another, it was a real bonding day getting to know the other women and their stories (men besides my husband don't seem to participate in these things...) So this woman is an immigrant who was going through IF and told her story. She married a man who threatened to leave her because of her infertility, considering it her problem. They obviously came from the kind of culture where the man holds all the keys and can do as he wishes if he is not happy with his spouse. Repeat I divorce you three times and turn around twice patting your head while hopping on one foot and suddenly you are divorced...(sorry for mocking)...
So this poor woman had done everything she could to get pregnant, seeking treatment to please him and prevent him from abandoning her. I can't remember her whole story but I think she had gone as far as IVF. But what I remember is she spoke of desperation, depression, the emotions we all experience with IF. She dealt with something like 10 years of infertility. Finally, she ended up being one of those miracle cases who got pregnant without treatment.
I'm not sure where to incorporate this next part of the story so I'll just insert it here... During the day, the subject of "stupid things people say" came up... You know, stuff like: "maybe you need a vacation..." or "it'll happen when it's time..." or "maybe it's God's plan..." or "maybe you should just relax..." or "you should just adopt..." or "you know, I knew this woman once, and she tried..." (fill in the blank...). We were all commiserating on how frustrating, upsetting, ridiculous this type of advice was. OK. I had to incorporate that for the following reason:
This woman at the lobbying day approached me toward the end of the day (after that conversation about pet peeves) because she seemed to feel some type of kinship because we came from the same hemisphere of the globe. She decided to give me some advice from her experience with infertility since now she was a mother. And you know what her advice was? With a gushing optimism, as if she had discovered the holy grail, she advised me to "JUST RELAX AND IT WILL HAPPEN"...
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
At the time, I was completely shocked that she would say this to me. Seriously? I think I was initially dumfounded. Couldn't find the words. I went from this response to laughter, thinking she was pulling a comedy act on me. When she didn't back down, I realized she was actually serious. She genuinely believed, after all the discussion that day and her own medical interventions, that it was all based on her ability to finally relax. Wowza. At that point I mocked to her face about how absurd her advice was, and she was somehow totally didn't get it. She remained convinced that she was giving me the best advice I could possibly ever seek. Sarcasm doesn't translate in her homeland perhaps. I don't know.
Well anyway, I was not a fan of that woman. She was at the clinic today when we were there for our transfer. Which brought comedy to a new level. So what happened to her ability to RELAX? I sound like such a rotten person. Don't I? Intended D keeps accusing me of eliciting bad karma infertility. I am just confounded...perplexed...confused... how could she actually believe it was relaxing that did the trick? That is the type of myth we as infertiles must try to dispel... NOT perpetuate. Apparently her trick of just relaxing didn't treat her so well while trying to have another child.
She approached us to say hello and all I could think to say (which I didn't) was "So what happened to just relaxing???..."
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