Timeline... setting the record straight

Intended D posted a really nice blog 2 days ago about how our sex life has been pleasantly unaffected by procreation. It is true, it is a blessing that we haven't had this side of our marriage affected by IF. I echo everything he posted, and I also echo the sadness over the likely fact that we will never be able to relate our someday beloved child back to an experience of intimacy. We have sex for sex, and we go to the doctor for pregnancy. Strange but true.

I found myself lashing out to Intended D, however, because I felt that he minimized the years of ttc before we moved on to IVF. Somehow, perhaps it's a blessing that he has a short memory, my beloved portrayed the journey as an abridged version of the truth. I sent him a scathing email based in my own emotional turmoil over how long we have been dealing with this, and his response was that this was something to be blogged. So here I am. I think perhaps his memory is short because he was not as engaged in this process in the beginning. I was the one who wanted to start trying. He was apprehensive and was probably hoping that it would take a little while because he wasn't ready. So the months ticked by on my calendar while he may not have noticed.

To set the record straight and perhaps give a brief review for my own memory, this is our timeline:
I went off the pill in October of 2002. Over the first year, we ttc spontaneously, and then started using using basal body temp (BBT), and after a full 12 months of ttc, we finally went to an Ob/gyn -- the moron ob-gyn-- who suspected endo, and did surgery. The surgery was a laparoscopy, a hysterosalpingogram because this MD wasn't skilled enough to get a catheter thru my cervix while I was awake, and a D&C which to this day is a mystery to me. Miraculously the next month I got pregnant naturally.

In May 2004 I miscarried at about 6 weeks, although we never saw a heartbeat. Our first RE suspected that the D&C done by the ObGyn may have created scarring that actually caused the miscarriage...

So from 10/02-5/04, life was not easy and sex was not as fun as it is nowadays.

We started clomid cycles after the miscarriage. May 2004 until February 2006 we tried clomid, clomid + IUIs, and finally moved on to injectables with IUIs. We did one cycle with injectables, and finally decided enough with the IUIs. During this time we also moved coast to coast, so along with moving came having to find a new RE, jumping thru all the hoops all over again.
Spring of 2006 was when we tried our first IVF.

Anyway, in response to Intended D indicating that although sex has not been for its natural purposes, we've been very happy to do it for other fantastic reasons. This is my counter that hopefully will not depress him too much: sex was not just for fun for a long time in the beginning. Even during the IVFs I think we have been hopeful that we might be one of those miracles. I lost my hope a long time ago but Intended D still seemed to have it. But since the donor cycle, that's done in my mind...It's different now. Now we are pretty certain that my eggs aren't heros.

We have done 4 fresh IVFs and one frozen IVF. And now we have officially moved into the category of failure with donor IVF. It's almost impossible to believe. I am 33 years old. Looking at the statistics of donor IVF, I fall into the 3% of women my age who have required donors. And 60% of those who have tried a fresh cycle works the first time~ So where does that leave us? In about 1% of the population of women my age who are ttc. One fucking percent.

This morning I had the lining check for our FET. I have been on delestrogen for a month now and I wonder if that's healthy. Too late now. Lining seemed OK but we won't know for sure until I get the phone call. Then we'll be back to progesterone shots. My boobs are already so big, I can't imagine how my body will deal with the PIO shots. I'm feeling like Marilyn Monroe for crying out loud! My body type is the athlete type, not the voluptuous type. I don't know how to carry myself anymore, I'm too top heavy!

I looked at the computer monitor at the doctor's office while getting dressed after the ultrasound. There was a box that said "number of cycles: 4". Oh did that get me depressed.
When the phlebotomists know my name personally, I know it's been too long. This is not the type of physician practice where you want them to get to know you. Family doctor, yes. Pediatrician, absolutely. But the RE's office is one that you want to be a fleeting memory. I am a regular.