Mother's Day condolences

Last night I had quite the pity party. Intended D was sleeping but I couldn't sleep... Mother's day is a hard time for infertiles. It's a reminder of what we don't have, what we feel like we'll never have.
I have been able to usually focus my energy on my mom and Intended D's mom. We are both blessed with mothers who are living, and fairly healthy. Rather than feeling my own sense of loss and the absence, I use the Hallmark Holiday to bask in the priviledge of having a mom whom I am able to call on the phone. I am lucky enough to hear her voice whenever I want. Although she is still only in her 60s, I try to appreciate her presence. She still mourns the loss of her own mother, my grandmother, who passed away 8 years ago this month. She has an empty place in her heart which will never be filled and whenever we talk about her, my mom gets a very far away look in her eye full of regret for not spending enough time with own mother, and not appreciating her enough. So I have learned to transfer my sadness to joy. My parents are visiting for a few days, and having her in my home over mother's day weekend is a special treat for me.

So now I have prefaced how I have tackled every mother's day for several years now. Well, an infertile friend who is now in the midst of a twin pregnancy using donors send me an email yesterday, the first one she has sent since our negative beta. I was wondering why I had not heard from her sooner actually. She knew I had used a home test and it was negative, and that I was feeling down. but she never contacted me to find out what the actual beta was. She sent me an email yesterday just telling me she was thinking about me. Which meant so much to me. Once an infertile friend moves on to the world of pregnancy and subsequent motherhood, that connection and link is basically broken when you get left behind. (which I have lived thru oh so many times...)
So hearing from her was really meaningful. She even said "you don't have to write back." This girl understands that we are basically cutting the rope here. She has made it to the other side, and I am still here. I watch her wistfully, standing still, while she walks ahead, turns, waves, and then keeps on walking. I am happy for her.
But the interesting part is that she mentioned that she is thinking of me especially because of this upcoming weekend. whoa. Suddenly my appreciation turned to anger. fury! Her understanding suddenly turned to pity! Yuck! Yuck yuck yuck!!! It's like writing a desparately single friend on Valentine's Day and saying "my thoughts are with you during this difficult time..."
What is that???
And the problem is that I think if I were in her shoes, I might have done something similar. She was just reaching out to me. But I felt like it was just the knife turning to mention that, it was strange. I am not completely in tune about why it upset me but it did. I mean- it's obvious why it upset me but I am surprised it bugged me so much. It's another layer of this bitch of an unsatisfactory situation. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about all the new mothers who are now old friends. Not current friends, old friends.

This world of infertility turns relationships on their heads.