immunology testing

I have not posted in a long time because I just feel totally overwhelmed, frustrated, and confused about the whole situation right now. Well I'm totally overwhelmed, frustrated and confused about a lot of things in my life right now but that's another story.

But because Intended D wants to use the blog to keep track of our path, I should post the latest events. The RE decided since we had the 2nd miscarriage that we should finally do immunological testing. Thank god she didn't have to use any deductive logic, because the little computer gave her a red flag when she typed in m/c #2... So much for independent thinking.

So the results are back. I've not mentioned this before, but our nurse is one of those people who cannot complete a full sentence and uses "you know..." to fill in blanks far more than a person should. She talks to me as if I've been through this shit before. Well I haven't...So she leaves a lot to be desired in the communication department. But my RE is out of town until the end of the week so the nurse had to give us the report.

The MTHFR tests show 2 mutations. From what the nurse says, they show that I don't absorb folic acid normally. So I am supposed to now start on Fogard to help with absorption.

Despite the mutations, my "fasting homocysteine" was normal (I didn't do this fasting, btw... does this matter?????) so this indicates that the miscarriage wasn't the result of a clotting issue.

Secondly, my RE wants me to get an anti-thrombin 3 panel done, so I just had the bloodwork for that done a couple days ago. So now we will await the results of that.

Finally, I haven't had a period in almost 8 weeks. So they tested my estradiol, progesterone, and a beta. Beta was obviously negative. The nurse told me that my system is "quiet" so now they want to put me on provera to get things started again. It'll cause a lining to build up, followed by shedding. When I asked her if this would result in normal cycles again, the nurse advised me to start on BCPs again when I'm done with the provera and resultant period.

But she DIDN'T answer my question...

Of course it makes sense to start on the BCPs because we're planning on a hysteroscopy next. But it is disturbing to me that this is treated so lackadaisically. Isn't this kind of a big deal to just NOT have a period for so long?

So I might start on the provera tonight. I'm a little reluctant about this whole fucking mess. I'm anxious to talk to the doctor about it all. My nurse is useless.

This feels like a bad joke....

...so IM goes back into work after our 2 week vacation to find out that she will not be getting the job that she was promised months ago after all. Wow. Now she has 6 weeks to find something else....after turning down and not pursuing many other promising options of the last few months. I hope something better is around the corner but this year is really really really turning out to be quite lame. What's that phrase? "Fuck my life!"? Oh yeah, that's it.

Fuck our life.

Life goes on?...or does it?

...two steps forward and one step back....


Well, yesterday was a big day. Two couples, one family and the other basically family, welcomed new healthy babies into the world. Congratulations to them (and us too I suppose since we will be interacting with these little ones eventually and sharing in the joy).

Why do I feel so sad?

Life goes on?

I suppose life does actually go on and in that spirit...and in the spirit of keeping this blog moving along as well....I'm gonna blog about something pretty non-personal but interesting.

CNN.com has an article I stumbled across today with the title "Who's your daddy? A celebrity look-alike". Essentially, all it is about is a sperm bank in LA that tries to describe what the sperm donor looks like by comparing them to a celebrity that they resemble the closest. I think this is actually a great idea!

From the article:

"The goal was not to say you can have a baby that looks like Bob Saget," Brown said. "The goal was to say this donor happens to resemble this celebrity."

This is something I have thought a lot about actually...you tend to think a lot about a lot of stuff like this when you are going through this :( The same type of thing is also true of egg donation places where you are sometimes shown a few select pictures of the egg donor, sometimes only a baby picture of the egg donor, and sometimes nothing at all. The entrepreneur side of my personality was thinking of a egg donor agency (or whatever the preferred word would be) where the couple or woman meets with some of the staff and given some family photos. THEN, using most likely a combination of computer modeling and human intuition, a donor is chosen out of the egg donor database that will most likely provide the DNA that will produce a child that most resembles the family doing the choosing. Make sense? As we have blogged about before it is extremely difficult emotionally and technically to make a decision of an egg donor. Also there is the "issue" of knowing what the donor looked like...looking back years later at your child (hopefully...if it worked) and thinking "my child looks just like the donor and nothing like me!" My idea could take that away b/c you wouldn't really know what the donor looks like at all and yet hopefully the child would "fit" in looks-wise into the broader family, i.e., brothers, sisters, parents, cousins, etc. Anyhoo....I'm getting sidetracked and giving away one of my many great ideas :)

So, at any rate, I think the celebrity sperm donor look-alike thing is a great idea. But....this is also a quote from the article:

Bonnie Steinbock, professor of philosophy who specializes in bioethics at the University at Albany in New York, said it magnifies the superficiality in society. "There's something strange about a culture that has stratified rigid types of beauty where everyone looks alike. Now they're trying to create children through who the [actor] of the moment is."

Oh, come on! Get a real profession you hack! Bioethics? Do some real work! :)

Ultimately though this sums it up nicely:

Bioethicists are divided over the program. Sperm banks routinely allow clients to search based on ethnic background, hair color, eye color and skin tone. They offer extensive details such as donors' height, weight and educational background.

"There are legitimate reasons for this, so the child fits in with the already existing children in the family or so the child looks more like the social father," said Mark Rothstein, director of the Institute for Bioethics, Health Policy and Law at the University of Louisville School of Medicine in Kentucky. "Most people would consider that to be acceptable. ... If you're creating a little Keanu Reeves, then I have problems with that."

Firstly, "social father'? That's a new one! How about father! Why is it so fucking hard to call a father a father and a sperm donor a sperm donor???
Secondly, "bioethicists are divided"? Oh good, I thought there were "real" problems with the program :)
Thirdly, I have a bit of a problem with "then I have problems with that" quote. Oh, you do? Well, luckily, it's none of your fucking business what motivates a person.

Whatever, I say it's a great idea. It's just too bad that cnn.com and people with little to no experience in these sorts of matters insist on having opinions. What is it they call these types of opportunities? Teachable moments? Perhaps this could have been used to discuss the complications, emotions, and heartaches of being faced with choosing a sperm or egg donor? Oh, nevermind, why start now with responsible reasonable journalism.