We got the hcg beta number back. 649. That's well below what we had hoped. As you can see from the new plot that point is well below the 66% threshold point. In fact, the two-day growth rate over the three days (from 398 to 649) was 47%. That's the slowest yet. So, that coupled with the fact that there was nothing on the ultrasound pretty much sums it all up and it's pretty much all over now.
Here are the numbers:
date beta days-post-ovulation
6/5/2009 - 70 - 15
6/8/2009 - 159 - 18
6/10/2009 - 246 - 20
6/12/2009 - 398 - 22
6/15/2009 - 649 - 25
Now the question is: what's going on? Is (was) the pregnancy ectopic? What's up? The ultrasound didn't show anything at all...including no irregularities. So what they do next--assuming the beta continues to drop, grow this slowly, or stay the same--is IM will get a shot of methotrexate which is (to quote wiki) "commonly used (generally in combination with misoprostol) to terminate early pregnancies (i.e. as an abortifacient). It is also used to treat ectopic pregnancies. In the case of early missed miscarriage (particularly a blighted ovum), in which fetal demise has occurred but the body has not expelled the fetus, methotrexate may be used to help the body begin the miscarriage process." Lovely. I don't know what happens after that, i.e., does the embryo expel itself from the uterus. If not, a D&C will probably have to be done. The other crappy thing is IM goes back Wednesday for blood work and possibly a methotrexate injection, then again on Sunday for blood work and maybe ultrasound, then again on Wednesday for blood work and ultrasound, etc.
To make this just terrible, I go out of town on Thursday through Sunday and then I leave again on Tuesday and don't return until the following Monday. So I will be gone throughout almost all of this. That's such a painful thought. IM should not have to do this alone but I can't get out of these trips I don't think.
I suppose also that my Mom will also want to know how things are going. That conversation will not be fun at all. She likes to pray for things...and to be fair there really isn't much else she can do...but so far, along this infertility journey of ours, prayer has absolutely done NOTHING. But, neither has anything else. If I could just sink into a puddle of mush right here on my office floor I would.
When, if ever, is it going to be our time? When? We've had enough pain, enough disappointment. Enough of it all. Enough experience. Enough growth. Enough. We've learned all that we're going to learn. We've learned about our relationship. We've learned about ourselves and how we see parenting and genetics and the whole nine-yards. Enough. We've learned enough. Considering we've already learned how to have a miscarriage I'm not quite sure why we're being forced to learn this one again! I guess this time we're learning how to have an abortion--in a way at least. This is just a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation! It's our turn. When will it be our turn? I'm just so tired of being disappointed. I'm right back to where I was a few months ago: I can't imagine actually being successful in this. I just can't imagine it.
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