What a difference sleep makes.

Weekends are difficult during the 2ww.  Today is 7 days post 5 day transfer (7dp5dt). At least at work, it's possible to have distractions when deadlines are approaching.  I'm a student, and working. (something I highly recommend when undergoing infertility treatment--keeping busy and becoming a student again has improved my sense of self-worth that infertility took away from me, and helped pull me out of the depression of treatment!!!-- but that's the subject of another post for another day..)  So between the job and homework, distractions have been great.  But this weekend is particularly difficult.  And nonetheless, somehow I'm not in the depths of despair today.  I had a good night's sleep, after two back to back nights of insomnia.  I think my exhaustion finally overwhelmed my anxiety.  I dreamt I started bleeding and the IVF didn't work.  So the anxiety reared its ugly head anyway.   Nonetheless, somehow I remain optimistic today.  ID isn't feeling too hot today however.  As long as we can remain out of phase with each other, hopefully we can keep each other sane.

Each day that we get closer to the beta will be more and more difficult.  ID and I are trying to decide when we'll start home pregnancy tests (HPTs).  Or as gals in the infertile world call it, peeing on a stick (POAS).  I think I need to be armed with information before we go in for our bloodwork.  But ID made a good point today.  As soon as we test, if the second line doesn't appear, my motivation and my tolerance for the shots may drop.  

(aside: I have hated hated hated the progesterone shots during previous cycles, to the extent that I started using the suppositories instead.  ID accidentally hit a nerve during our 2nd IVF a few years ago, and it was extremely painful and left me with an area on my butt that I literally couldn't feel for almost a year due to the nerve damage.  But this time the doctor really encouraged me to go back to the injections, so I had to dig deep and put myself into a happy place during this cycle.  It has been OK.  I think my anxiety fed into ID's anxiety and we psyched each other out in the past.  I hated the shots, and ID knew I hated them so he hated giving them to me.  But this time I have remained calm and positive, and ID has been a hero giving me the injections followed by a wonderful massage.)

So back to my motivation.  He's worried that if I test negative on a POAS test, my attitude may change and those shots are going to become a nightmare all over again because of the thought that we're doing it for nothing.  I know better though.  I'll keep doing them.  So I want to POAS on Tuesday, exactly two weeks post retrieval.  Too soon?  I don't know.