Distractions and unintentional insensitivity

This may not deserve a post in itself but I figured "why not?"

Last year, a few coworkers and I had what we would call a good year. This year hasn't been nearly as successful for the both of us. While discussing this in a matter of fact sort of way and trying to think of excuses for ourselves my friend said very jokingly "Jimbo (not his real name) and I have brand new little babies at home, what's your excuse?" Hahaha :( I had no response to give him but what I was thinking was "Well, I suppose my excuse would be continued frustration of infertility, failed treatments, loss of financial stability directly caused by infertility, and a miscarriage--which happens to be happening right now! Not only babies are a distraction you know, a lack of baby is a pretty big distraction too."

He was joking and doesn't really know our situation (especially the miscarriage) so...whatever. In truth, if there was a time to let this particular friend know about the pain we are going through right now that probably would've been a good time but, oh well, the moment passed. The last thing I'm in the mood for lately is reliving it all and trying to explain the situation.

But...it got me thinking a lot about how much of a distraction infertility can be. It's so funny because I catch myself thinking very often that if only we could be successful and IM was either pregnant or we had a little baby I could settle down and really dedicate myself to and, mostly, CONCENTRATE on work. Of course, that sounds crazy to a person with a baby because kids are a huge distraction and a LOT of work. Be that as it may, the effects of infertility on the rest of your life is very easy to underestimate because it sits there hidden and isn't obvious to outsiders or even yourself sometimes. It's similar to a chronic debilitating illness in that way. It's just so frustrating because so many other things take a back seat to this desire to have a baby and start a family--so many other things just seem trivial and it's hard to motivate myself to do things whose outcomes are so far down my list of desires. Make sense? A baby is by far the most important thing to me right now and second place is so far down the list it's like everything else is just tied for second since I have almost no interest in them. A success at work? A dream job (promotion)? Yeah, that'd be nice and I definitely want those things and am striving for them. But I'd trade them all for a baby. No question.