A quick thought...

I was watching a movie the other day (in the interest of not being a spoiler I won't tell you what) and a character becomes pregnant. So what. The interesting thing for me is that I had a bit of a disconnect in relating to the character because she was taking it as a matter of absolute fact that eventually she would give birth to a healthy baby. That makes sense...she had two others previously. The reason I had a disconnect though is because it was hard for me to take that aspect for granted. Does that make sense? We've struggled so long with so little success that on the off chance that we are actually successful and IM gets knocked up I'm going to be a total wreck....especially for the first trimester. Until I see what looks like a human baby on an ultrasound I'm afraid that it won't feel real and I (we) will be waiting for "the other shoe to drop"--so to speak. Sometimes I can become so angry at infertility for doing this to us. For damaging our ability to hope and for ruining our ability to take certain things for granted.

Edit: This is an addition from IM...I've edited it slightly :)
I'd like to add to that: even AFTER we see a fetus, it's not like the stress would be any better. But on the other hand, I believe we would do our best to try to enjoy every little aspect of it because who knows when it would potentially be taken away. Last pregnancy, ID was painting the kitchen and I went to Barnes & Noble and came home with What to Expect When You Are Expecting? (yes i later tore it to shreds but that belongs in a different post...) At the time, I actually was full of anxiety wondering if it really was a good idea to have a kid. But I was mostly numb --not from waiting so long for it and finally getting it-- but because it just didn't seem real. 9 months is a long time. I want to appreciate every moment.