Trying to keep my head up

I am feeling so sorry for myself today. I've been on the verge of tears all day and my boss even asked me if I was OK. Which somehow made me feel worse and I almost broke down right there on the spot. I'd like to blame it on hormones but it's not. It's just this. This whole experience.

I found out two of my colleagues from my last place of employment (whom I still work with from time to time) are both pregnant. For one, it's her second. For the other, it's her first and she's only been married for about 6 months. And of course I am thanking my lucky stars that I don't work with them anymore. Because I know I could not have handled it one bit. I am a wreck at just the thought of them. The idea that this comes so easily to everybody else but me.

I spend some time on Friday night with an old friend who had a kid about 3 months ago. He knows our situation except for the donor component. He feels for us, I know he does. And yet he spent several hours talking to me about how his wife is depressed and feeling lonely, burdened with the new responsibility of being a mother, and how much work the baby is. Well boo hoo. It was a fine line because he obviously has this disconnect between talking about my situation and talking about his. I mean, he doesn't realize he's complaining. And realistically speaking, he's NOT. But of course, to me, he is complaining and it's almost unbearable at times. I finally told him I don't feel sorry for them. That was about it.

And I have had indications that another childhood friend is pregnant. If she's not, she will be soon. I know they are trying.

I think it's all just too much for me right now. I'm just so depressed. I wish I could go home and have a good cry. I need it.